The Dollar Menu at McDonald’s

You’ve made some bad choices in life, but no one deserves the hand you’ve been dealt. Booze, drugs, a plethora of neuroses, and that aggressive facial tattooing makes you just about unemployable—even in the few fields where your limited qualifications could actually help you turn an honest dime.

At one point, you had a car to sleep in, but parking citations collected on it like barnacles to hull, and after a few weeks, it was booted, then impounded, and now you’re completely homeless. You’ve tried to lift yourself up by the bootstraps, but you’ve even been banished from the library for getting into too many boisterous arguments about diseases related to nutrient deficiencies, like scurvy, rickets, and beriberi—all of which you most certainly have.

But then things start to turn around when a girl you used to date back in high school tosses you a dollar in loose change from the window of her German luxury car. Most of it is silver and you realize that you now have $1.33. More than enough to purchase an item off of the dollar menu at any McDonald’s in the continental United States. For a buck plus applicable sales tax, you can escape the elements for the better part of an hour (depending on which manager is working) and fill your stomach with 400-500 relatively nutritious calories, chocked full of essential Life-Giving™ carbohydrates, saturated fats, and nitrates. You could save your money for drugs, but it’s going to cost at least $20 to get anything good, and you’ll mostly like starve to death in the meantime.

McDonald’s: One of the Healthiest Choices You’ll Ever Make

Sponsored content from McDonald’s Corporation of Chicago, IL