The last thing she said to you before you stormed out was “If you think you can do better, be my guest.” You know she didn’t mean it, but the fifth of Wild Turkey you bought at the liquor store on the corner of 5th and Nowhere is arguing otherwise. An hour later, you’re leaning over a jukebox, helping Sally Fastpants pick out rock and roll songs.
She goes to the bathroom, and you swagger over to the bar to order a fresh round of beers. The bartender gives you a knowing grin as he pops the caps off of a couple of icy-cold bottles. When Sally comes back, the closing-time lights come on, but she still looks good enough to— well, you know.
You walk to your car, but realizing that you’re too drunk to drive, you have unprotected sex with a woman you’ve known for less than two hours standing up in an alley populated by hobos. When you finish, you sanitize your genitals with the quarter-bottle of Wild Turkey you have left and then finish washing yourself in a puddle.
The next morning, you make up with your sweetheart, and things are better than ever.
We have your back. Wild Turkey and alibis.
Sponsored content from the by the Wild Turkey Distilling Co, a division of Campari Group, Lawrenceburg, KY.